There are no endings, only new beginnings.

Decided a few days ago it was time to move on. I've been involved in a relationship going on 17 years now. There have been breaks in this relationship over the years. There was the 3.5+ years I lived out of state - and actually met someone with whom I was in a committed relationship. Then clusters of months here and there when I was "dating". You could call it a relationship of convenience.

Truth be told, I don't even know if I really like him, because our sexual liasons are strictly that. I have a rough sketch of his life, know the name of his wife, his son and daughter. Know that he loves his kids more than anything, and that he probably pushes himself so hard because somewhere under all that hair, he feels guilty for what we have... for the intensity of a sexual mojo which has gotten stronger rather than dimishing over the years.

Today, after gifting me with three truly toe curling orgasms, he says "you sure you don't want to see me after the 1st of the year"? "I never said I didn't want to see you because it WASN'T GOOD". In other words, yes I'm sure. I'll have to plan my time carefully - it is going to be very difficult around those first few full moons! But I have to know if sharing my sexual energy with him plays a factor in my date-less-ness. Or if it's just that I am ment to be alone (though I'm certainly NOT lonely).

What do you think?

Crack pipe in the road

I found a crack pipe Christmas morning. It was in an empty cigarette box sitting on the curb in front of my neighbors house. I was doing my routine neighborhood clean up - kicking cigarette butts under their car, picking up the trash they toss out the window into the bushes. I was a little surprised by my find. Perhaps I shouldn't have been, it goes a long way towards explaining their behaviour. (They hang out in their car ALL the time, watching videos on a lap top, smoking cigarettes and yelling at the kids for coming outside). I try to see the Divine in them, because I know IT's there, but they make it really hard.

I broke the pipe. Left it in the box and hit it with a rock. Maybe Santa brought them a new one - but I hope not. I've decided to take a trip to the police department tomorrow, let them know what I found. I went back and forth regarding that decision, but the bottom line is this: they have 4 kids - from new born to 6 years - and they need someone to look out for them. I take that on willingly - because there doesn't seem to be anyone else doing the job.

I'm thankful for my dog and the high fence that seperates me from my neighbor. It would be nice if it were different - but these days I strive to just accept what is - and BE with it. It's all good.
Peace!

Strapping on skates for the first time

I'm new to this whole blogging experience but a quick learner, please be patient with me while I learn to skate through the myriad of thoughts in my head. I'm curious to see what happens. Is there anyone out there interested in hearing the mental and emotional wanderings of a 47 year old woman striving for connection with the divine in all things? Hm... I look forward to sharing with you... but for now, I must prepare for my first client of the day. More later.